The below was sent to us last week, completely out of the blue by Anne Timmins, a Barlaston GC (Staffs) lady member.

All we’d like to say before Anne takes over is, lets have more of this sort of thing – it caused much laughter and appreciation in the office as we headed away towards another lockdown. At times like these, contributions like this become even more invaluable.

Take it away Anne………..and thanks.

A lockdown thought – instead of moaning that we’ve paid our subs but can’t play golf and thinking about what we can get out of golf, let’s be thankful for what golf has given us.

We all know what a difficult and frustrating game it can be but it provides bizarre moments and hilarity. The following is what actually happened during our ladies fourball earlier this week.

I hope it brings a smile to your faces and evokes memories of similar experiences you’ve had with your golf buddies!

Anne Timmins

The Good, the Bad and the Soggy
The last round before lockdown 2 – one to remember!
(With thanks to Sue, Pauline and Gill for providing inspiration – and entertainment!)

The forecast was fair as we met for our game
A cold wind was blowing but out the sun came
From the back tee mat, I parred hole number 3
And the round was progressing quite swimmingly

Things began to go wrong when the weather turned rough
The rain started to fall and the wind made things tough
We had air shots and topped shots and balls lost in ditches
Slices and mishits and other such glitches

Whilst on the move Pauline put up her brolly
But the wind whipped it away before she could fix it to trolley
She’d let go of both, couldn’t choose which one to go after
While we just stood helpless, howling with laughter

On Swampy three balls resulted in splashes
While Sue looked a picture in mud splattered glasses
Gill’s long distance chip sailed up to the green
But once she got nearer it couldn’t be seen

Grumbling and moaning and about to give up
She whooped when she saw it right there in the cup.
Wet hands saw a driver fly back 20 paces
Luckily missing our giggling faces!

All of this laughter, the pattering rain
And the view of the lake caused Sue too much pain
She stood on the 9th transfixed on the tee
Legs clamped together in need of a wee.

She could go no further without relieving the pressure
But there was nowhere to go, no bushes to hide her
So using umbrellas Gill built an igloo
And Sue hastily squatted in her emergency loo.

A couple of holes later as the course got quite boggy
The wind and the rain making everything soggy
We called it a day, had a well deserved gin
Our last round before lockdown – one to remember and grin!

Anne Timmins November 2020

Barlaston